The Second Raid

The second raid was infinitely better than the first. And the first wasn’t bad or anything.

We got Saurfang down after a few attempts. We stomped on heroic Rotface and heroic Festergut, killed regular Putricide (getting most people their Nausea, Heartburn… achievement), then stomped on the Blood Princes and BQL.

Then we looked at heroic Dreamwalker.

My new guild had never killed heroic Dreamwalker before.

We did it on our second try.

And that is a part of why I joined the guild. People were saying to me all night long in whispers how awesome it was that I was there, how much they enjoyed having me there, how I was just what they needed… And I think that’s got to be true. We downed Saurfang for the second time for them, Dreamwalker healed to full for the first… and I played significant roles in those fights.

I totally noobed it up on Festergut, though. Fellow healers, please take this as a warning and DO NOT DO WHAT I DID.

I use Clique and Grid. I have Clique binds for most of my spells. Flash of Light is left-click (shift-left click is to target), Holy Light is right-click, Sacred Shield is shift-right-click, Cleanse is middle-click, Beacon of Light is shift-middle-click, Holy Shock is thumb-click and Lay on Hands (a relatively new bind from about three weeks ago) is shift-thumb-click.

Tonight, before Saurfang, I was looking at my bindings and trying to figure out where I could put Hand of Protection for easier access during Saurfang instead of shift-left-click and then clicking on my Hand of Protection button.

So I figured Ctrl-Thumb-Click.

Who here sees where this is going?

I try out the binding a couple of times. I don’t like it. I DO like the thumb-click part of it, but the Ctrl is just a little far out of the way for me.

So I open up Clique. I decide to edit that bind.

And I promptly bind it to Shift-Thumb-Click.

Uh, Kurn? Didn’t you say that Shift-Thumb-Click was Lay on Hands?

Why yes. Yes I did.

Uh…?

Yeah.

So NORMALLY, when you try to bind something in Clique to an existing combination, it yells at you. But that’s apparently on the main screen only when you’re clicking the combination in your spellbook.

If you edit the bind directly, you can overwrite any prior combination. Without the yelling.

Oh, God, Kurn. What did you do?

Well, Saurfang went great with me BOPping someone on each attempt with ease.

Festergut, well, there we are, one tank with 9 stacks of the debuff, the other with 7 stacks, probably with Fester at under 20% health and I see the active tank (7 stacks) is about to die and so I do what any good paladin would have done; I went for my Lay on Hands bind, which has been, for the last few weeks, Shift-Thumb-Click. Which I UNKNOWINGLY bound to Hand of Protection.

Tank is BOPped, other tank gets aggro and blows up the raid because he hit 10 stacks.

I was completely oblivious as to why the tank got a 10th stack of his debuff. The GM said something in healer chat along the lines of “ha, ha, who bopped the tank?” and the ret pally was like “Not me!” and then I paused, remembering that I HAD messed with my Clique bindings and I HAD tried to cast LOH on the tank and hey, why wasn’t that on cooldown? Why WAS Hand of Protection on cooldown?

I checked my Clique binds and found the problem and switched Shift-Thumb-Click back to Lay on Hands and then let them know what had happened.

Apparently, I made the MT laugh, so, uh, way to go me?

I told him that it could have been worse, I could have DIed him the way I did one of our tanks on Bloodboil back in the day and he replied to say that a DI would have been the only thing that would have been funnier than a BOP.

>< Still annoyed! In my last guild, I was teased for standing in fire for months by my RL friend the resto druid and another RL friend of hers. And now, I’m going to be known as “the pally who bopped the tank”. /facepalm

By the way, I’m still in search of a good Clique-bind for BOP! :P

Anyways, getting Saurfang and Dreamwalker down was awesome. I also managed to snag heroic Unclean Surgical Gloves and heroic Crypt Keeper’s Bracers, which is kind of hilarious, given that it’s my second raid with them. EPGP is an odd beast and I’m going to have to read up on it again, but it’s got this nifty mod that makes things super easy.

In other guild-related things, my new GM and I are hitting it off beautifully. There’s a mutual admiration society going on and we just totally get along. I did not transfer with the intention to make good friends; I just wanted to escape the douchebags, but she’s definitely someone who has the potential to be one of those awesome people I still keep in touch with even if I’m not playing. The weird thing is that she already knows a stupid amount about me — she knows my real first name, she knows about this blog… It’s like, in the span of a couple of days, the woman already knows a ton about me.  I feel a little bit naked, if that makes sense. I mean, I go through a fair amount of effort to construct and maintain my various WoW personas, all of which have the “true” me at the center of them, mind you. But, for example, if I’m on my hunter, chances are, I’m going to be quieter. Just let me be there, in the back, shooting things. It’s what I like to do.

If I’m on my paladin, I’m not so quiet. I’ve spent a LOT of time as some kind of stupid leader in this game, including YEARS of that stuff on the paladin. Kurn-while-on-the-paladin is a lot more outspoken, a lot more critical (HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE HASTE OMG FAIL) and can get frustrated really easily.

My GM has somehow managed to dissemble these personas, more or less, because I’m basically my actual self in talking to her. That doesn’t happen too often, at least without my expecting it. This just kind of happened.

There’s an opportunity, which will remain more or less cryptic, for a mutual exchange of information, a mutual way to get to know each other better. Part of me wants to participate. Part of me does not. The part of me that wants to is all like “HELL YEAH!!!!” and the part of me that doesn’t isn’t remotely as enthusiastic in trying to talk me out of the idea. It’s more like “Dude, whatever, give it a couple of weeks. You’ve been in the guild for like, 36 hours.”

It would involve stripping off yet another layer of my carefully constructed personas. “Kurn” and “Madrana”, if you will, are very public personas of mine. It’s still me in there, but there are things about me that none of my readers, no matter how dear to me, will ever know. Things that my long-time raiding companions never knew and probably will never know. You know, real life stuff.

All of this feeds into my interest in identity theory, online personas, the use of the Internet for anonymity… And really, you know, that’s it. That’s what’s bugging me about this. If this exchange of information happens, I’ve lost any real sense of anonymity I still have. Okay. Now that I know why it’s something I’m hesitating about, it’s time to figure out if that even matters.

Actually, it’s well past time for sleep. I’ll figure that bit out in the morning or, perhaps more accurately, the afternoon. ;)

Apologies for the sidetrip into the land of sociological musings. I hope the Festergut story made the entry worth reading. ;)

The First Raid

You know, thinking about it, this blog has documented the fall of Apotheosis, my time on Bronzebeard, my time in my last guild and now will document my time on Skywall.

The idea that, five years from now, I could look at this entry and go “oh my God, my first raid on Skywall!” gives me a moment’s pause. Should I record everything for posterity? Probably not. Should I gloss over things in the hopes that I’ll have a shiny entry to remember my first raid by? Probably not.

As always, it seems, the right amount of detail is somewhere in the middle.

Continue reading “The First Raid”

Brief Update

1) Paladin is on Skywall, guilded. All mods seem to be working (YAY DXE, YAY DBM, YAY GRID & CLIQUE & DOMINOES!) with very little effort (sigh, CLCBPT, you fail. SexyMap, you too.) and I’ve already made money with my bank alt. ;)

2) I was guilded for maybe 30 minutes when my new GM found the blog. Hi! ;)

She apparently is more like me than I thought since we both have the ability to stalk online. ;D

I felt just a wee bit embarassed about the mush I’ve previously posted, but it’s all good. And it was a harmless reminder that anyone can actually find and read this.

(I’d hope if any of my former guildies find this, they’ll see how much trouble I took to not name names. You won’t find me naming names in my new guild, either.)

3) Reckoning hates me. I queued up for the daily heroic (I think it reset, since I got 2 frosts on my last server and then 2 frosts on the new one) and it gave me… Heroic Halls of Reflection. Thanks, RNG. Love you too.  I arrived after what had been a wipe where both the tank and healer had left. The tank who arrived with me promptly left. Five minutes later, we have a tank. It was not super smooth (DPS need to stop pulling aggro and standing in front of cleaving mobs) but we got through relatively unscathed. I haven’t healed it as a pally in a long time — I miss my chain heals, dammit. ;)

Anyways. I need to grab some food before the raid, which is in, you know, 40m. Which is new. And early. Working on LDW HM apparently, and I’m hoping all my DXE settings really DID carry over so I don’t look like a moron eating ghosts.

Stupid Vengeful Shades. WHY must they be so vengeful?

Oh! And thanks to everyone who listened to me bitch about my last guild and how I was unhappy and for wishing me well on my new server. <3 It’s meant a lot. :)

LK & Frostmourne, Guild Apps

15 or so heroic pulls last night.

I still rule because I have not yet been hit by a Shadow Trap at all. That’s right. I am awesome.

More pain by enraged Shambling Horrors:

[01:09:51.954] Shambling Horror hits OT 60173  (O: 26676, B: 4080)

Average melee hit on the MT: 43,748.2

Ow.

We made it to the first transition phase twice, I think. Idiot!Priest kept dying to Shadow Traps and kept screwing up dispels and neglected to shield as much as he should have been. Good times. :P

We didn’t last long on the transition phases because either the OT would die while me and the other tank healer were running for the edge OR because he would then get beaned in the face by an enraged Shambling Horror. Or two.

Anyways, two and a half hours on heroic LK led to no real progress, just a lot of practice on Shadow Traps, I guess. It’s not like it’s a hard mechanic. Move away from the skull marked in the raid?

So then, because it was Monday and Tuesday’s the reset, we switched to normal mode.

For the first time EVER, and that is EVER, I got Harvest Soul on me!!! I was like “HOLY CRAP, it’s ME!” and I couldn’t heal myself. >< And I’m like, chanting to myself, “don’t let me die, don’t let me die…” No pain suppression or any CDs on me, but they kept me up!!

[01:39:25.719] The Lich King casts Harvest Soul on Madrana
[01:39:25.760] Madrana afflicted by Harvest Soul from The Lich King
[01:39:26.042] Resto Druid Rejuvenation Madrana +0 (O: 4149)
[01:39:26.657] The Lich King Harvest Soul Madrana 10185 (R: 4500)
[01:39:27.301] Resto Druid Echoes of Light Madrana +*10185* (O: 3056)
[01:39:27.710] The Lich King Harvest Soul Madrana 11640 (R: 3000)
[01:39:28.521] Idiot!Priest Glyph of Power Word: Shield Madrana +2455
[01:39:28.662] The Lich King Harvest Soul Madrana 81 (A: 11559, R: 3000)
[01:39:28.911] Raid Leader Flash Heal Madrana +*9266* (O: 2568)
[01:39:29.060] Resto Druid Regrowth Madrana +0 (O: 8410)
[01:39:29.060] Resto Shammy Chain Heal Madrana +*0* (O: 11325)
[01:39:29.060] Resto Druid Rejuvenation Madrana +0 (O: 4149)
[01:39:29.302] Raid Leader Penance Madrana +0 (O: 5691)
[01:39:29.821] Raid Leader Penance Madrana +0 (O: 5663)
[01:39:29.961] The Lich King Harvest Soul Madrana 8090 (A: 3550, R: 3000)
[01:39:30.082] Resto Druid Nourish Madrana +8090 (O: 1527)
[01:39:30.456] Resto Shammy Lesser Healing Wave Madrana +*0* (O: 12418)
[01:39:30.716] Raid Leader Penance Madrana +0 (O: 6073)
[01:39:30.716] The Lich King Harvest Soul Madrana 11640 (R: 3000)
[01:39:31.336] Resto Druid Nourish Madrana +9201
[01:39:31.657] Resto Shammy Ancestral Awakening Madrana +2439 (O: 2487)
[01:39:31.815] Madrana’s Harvest Soul fades

And then… I got to heal Terenas Menethil. Awesome.

The instant I zoned in, I was like “what the… who… shoot, okay, I guess I don’t heal that spirit thing and… OMG, TERENAS!” So I started healing him. And that was awesome. So super cool. And then I was like “oh crap, I have to dispell him, don’t I?” and lo and behold, a little debuff icon showed up on Terenas’ name plate and I’m like “CLEANSE, BITCH! YEAH!”

hahaha. I was really stupidly excited to finally get pulled into Frostmourne.

For those curious about the experience:

Terenas Menethil yells: You have come to bring Arthas to justice? To see the Lich King destroyed?
Terenas Menethil yells: First, you must escape Frostmourne’s hold, or be damned as I am; trapped within this cursed blade for all eternity.
Terenas Menethil yells:  Aid me in destroying these tortured souls! Together we will loosen Frostmourne’s hold and weakedn the Lich King from within!

And here’s the one screenshot I thought to take. (Click for a larger version.)

So that was fairly epic. :)

In other news, I’ve dropped in two apps, one each to the guild on Skywall and the one on Hyjal.

I’d get more perks on Hyjal (and shorter raids, instead of longer ones) but I’m still leaning towards Skywall. Both guilds seem pretty cool, but I think that knowledgeable healers are lacking in the Hyjal guild.

There are two holy pallies in that guild, though one is going prot. The other is an app.

I’m looking at the app on the armory:

MH: Heroic Trauma.

Trinket 1: Purified Lunar Dust

Helm: Heroic Faceplate of the Forgotten

Adequate haste (751). Uses Fish Feasts and Flasks of the Frost Wyrm.

Appears to blow Avenging Wrath AND Divine Illumination at the same time as Divine Plea, which means he’s not losing any healing when popping Divine Plea, but it’s making him have only two offsets (he also has the Talisman of Resurgence) instead of three.

And sometimes, he pops all those things all at once!

Judges, but honestly, not much more than once a minute, even with only one other pally in the raid. Actually, that’s maybe not even quite once a minute.

All of which causes me to go “BLAH”.

Compare and constrast that to the resto shammy GM who healed four marks on heroic Saurfang and you have an idea as to why I’m leaning towards Skywall.

Anyways. Coming up today: Kurn’s Q&A #21, a new poll, possibly a new video or two (Strat Live key run/Cannonmaster Willy run) and probably more pondering out loud about which guild I should choose if they both want to trial me.

The Search Continues

So I’m actively shopping for a new guild. I’ve been approached by several guilds due to a post on a low-level alt in the Guild Recruitment forums.

Some of them just don’t appeal to me. Sorry, I don’t want to raid for five hours at a time, five days a week. Hell, I don’t want to raid five days a week, period. I’m looking for 3-4 days, preferably for about 3 hours.

The top choices right now are a guild on Hyjal and another on Skywall.

The Hyjal guild (8/12 HM ICC25) seems really nice, with decent people and a good economy on the server. The GM is pretty awesome and I chatted with him, the healing lead and a couple of the guildies for an hour or so the other night. The raiding times are Sun/Mon/Wed/Thurs from 8:30pm-11pm ET. Those are the same nights I currently raid and 10 hours a week instead of 12, in sweet little 2.5 hour chunks. Not to mention the fact that the raid *ends* when my current raids begin! How awesome is that? I can have a late-ish dinner, then go raid, then go to the store at 11-11:30 or so if I’m missing milk or have a chocolate craving or something!

The Skywall guild (7/12 HM ICC25) raids Mon/Wed/Thurs from 9pm-1am. So I’d get Sunday off entirely and still have the same amount of raid time I do now, just a little more compressed.

“Kurn,” you may ask, “what the hell? Aren’t you 11/12 HM in ICC 25?”

“Why yes,” I would reply, “I am.”

“And you would go BACKWARDS in progression?” you may ask, perhaps with incredulity in your voice.

“Yes. I would,” I would reply.

Here’s the reason: I am tired of idiots and imbeciles. I am tired of abuse and blame.

In light of yesterday’s revelation, I better know why I’m looking for a new guild where the people don’t SUCK. It’s because I want that more social atmosphere paired with progression. I like approximately three people in my current guild. Maybe four. I loathe the MT/GM. I’m not speaking to the raid leader at the moment. One of the OTs won’t stfu when I tell him I don’t want to talk about X, Y or Z (guild politics, mostly) and don’t get me started on the moronic DPS who don’t know how to STOP DPS or how to move out of my range during Empowered Shock Vortex. Ahem. I’m getting cranky again. :)

Sure, there are a lot of 11/12 HM ICC 25 guilds looking for a holy paladin. But ones that don’t raid HARDCORE and ones that meet my requirements (Alliance ONLY, non-PVP, to start with) are pretty few and far between.

So what makes these two guilds “special”?

The GMs of both guilds not only posted in my thread but contacted me at the email address I left and then responded to questions I had promptly, politely and with a good deal of humour. They treated me respectfully, were honest with me about their progression and why they’re seeking out a new holy paladin. I also basically gave them both the third degree about their healing leads and healing teams.

So far, though the Hyjal guild has the advantage on raid times, the Skywall guild has the advantage with the healing. On their heroic Saurfang kill, the GM (resto shammy, who isn’t the healing lead) healed THE FIRST FOUR MARKS ON HER OWN.

No joke. I saw the parse. They got six marks. She handled four. They had five healers. She was the fifth mark and a priest was the sixth.

And I was bitching about handling marks 1/2 alone. Seriously, this is someone who knows how to heal. I LIKE people who know how to heal! They are awesome! Strangely, I’ve never known a great healer who was a complete tool, either.

The Skywall GM also believes strongly in working with their raiders to up their performance. Unlike my current guild who will either keep someone who sucks because they need X class (see: Idiot Priest) or will throw out someone who isn’t performing rather than talk to them about things first, the Skywall guild works with apps and members alike.

Funny story, I was going to implement that in the Wrath of the Lich King version of Apotheosis, but then Apotheosis fell apart.

The Hyjal guild has more perks, I think — guild repairs, guild consumables, etc. But I don’t think they have the level of effort and care that the Skywall guild has.

Truth be told, I was almost certainly going to go to the Hyjal guild, but the Skywall guild seems fairly compelling.

Another factor to consider with the Skywall guild is that it’s on the same battlegroup as my old server, Eldre’Thalas. The thought of renewing some acquaintances… well, either I would love to or I would leave the party instantly, haha.

So, Whirlwind Battlegroup people, Reckoning Battlegroup people, tell me of your random dungeon queues and the quality of those groups! ;)

A Revelation

I saw my RL friend the resto druid today. And over the five hours we talked (yes, I am, in fact, long-winded in person as well as in text) we spent precisely one hour talking about WoW.

And in that one hour, dear readers, she pointed out something to me that has completely changed my perspective on a few things.

It’s times like these that I’m really glad I’ve blogged all this stuff, because you can see in my blogs how I have become increasingly unhappy and more distressed at guild crap.

I really started getting CRANKY right about mid-April. It’s then that I was in the middle of my temporary position of healing lead, plus dealing with Priest Who Thinks So Far Outside The Box He Can’t Even See It Anymore, plus raiding too much and too late for my tastes.

My RL friend the resto druid has been concerned about me and my attitude about raiding, both as a friend and as a healing lead. So when we met up today, we had a discussion that completely opened my eyes about a few things.

1) Prior to, say, December/January, I didn’t have a real problem with how people were treated in our raids. I was personally called out a number of times for standing in fire or poison (I do raid at like, 9fps and adjust to those things fairly quickly, but it takes some dying first) and insulted directly. Like “are you retarded?” and such like. I think I was actually asked, by the MT, if I was blind, at one point.

The way it goes in the guild is: you take it. You shut the hell up, bite your tongue and you take it. It’s just business. Don’t take it personally.

This does not excuse or forgive the MT’s behaviour. But you just take it. Period.

And yet, I didn’t have the same recoil and reaction as I did the other week when the MT basically insulted all the healers by lumping us all together with the Failadin. (I’ve since learned that two other people have complained to my RL friend the resto druid about that comment, so it really wasn’t just me.)

The question is, why did I not react as severely to personal insults in September/October as I did to something that could have meant this particular Failadin instead of all healers?

2) I spent two months as healing lead, raiding in a guild I had only joined in order to raid with my RL friend the resto druid… without my RL friend the resto druid. Without her there, raiding became a real obligation and duty to me. Every night I went to a raid, I told myself that I had to go for her, so that she could focus on her RL issues and not let the guild stuff distract her.

It was that important to me that she not need to worry about the guild and the healers. I continued raiding and doing healing despite not wanting to, because I felt bound by loyalty to my friend.

So the answer to the question in the first point up there is this:

The guild has changed. We have had some WICKED turnover. We have lost a ret paladin, a holy paladin, a disc priest, a resto druid, a kitty druid, two hunters, a resto shaman, two mages, a DK tank, an enhancement shaman, two different moonkin, a DPS warrior and a rogue, I think. That’s just the people I can think of off the top of my head. They were all core raiders and all of them have quit the guild or the game.

We pulled in a core bunch of raiders from a failing guild to shore up our numbers and suddenly, raids weren’t cancelled anymore. Sweet deal.

At about this point in time, we had a change. The MT gave up raid leading duties to the current raid leader (a shadow priest), promoting him and the hunter (now DPS lead) to officer.

The new RL is, in my mind, a jackass. But he’s an excellent player. Still, he spends too much time theorycrafting versus seeing what’s actually executable with our raiders. This makes him inflexible and makes me want to beat him in the face with a hockey stick.

But I digress.

The new RL also brought Vent into raids.

Given the new social dynamic brought by the core raiders from that other guild, added to the fact we have now spent time on Vent together listening to each other’s voices… the guild has gotten more social.

Add to that the fact that I was in a position of authority, which was EXACTLY like the position of authority I’ve ALWAYS had in all my other guilds, which were ALL much more social and friendly and such…

And you have the makings of Kurn going batshit insane without realizing what the hell is going on.

Without my realizing it, the guild changed, became more social, became much more like my old guilds. And with me slipping into my old role of healing lead, I began to treat my healers… well, not better, but as if they were MY healers in MY guild, not just my FELLOW healers and guildmates. That’s to say, I took care of them. Not that my RL friend the resto druid doesn’t take care of us, but I slipped into the job and did what I’d always done — reviews of the healers, detailed examinations of the logs, personal attention to the healers…

I was forging relationships (even if they’re just working relationships) with the healers. And trying to forge them with the raid leader, the DPS lead (hunter) and… even the big, bad MT.

And I didn’t even realize what I was doing. It’s just who I am. It’s just what I do.

So talking to my RL friend the resto druid today brought all of this up.

She pointed out that I am taking everything as a personal affront to me these days. Everything. In a raid, out of a raid, in trade chat, in an instance. And she’s right. I am SUPER CRANKY KURN these days.

Why?

Because the guild is getting to me. Nine months ago, I treated it like a job. Log in. Raid. Log out.

Ever since my stint as healing lead, I have been forging relationships with some people and taking shit personally. It’s not that job anymore. Now, it’s this horrible situation I’m in where I am literally betwixt and between. All my instincts are telling me to be personable, to continue building these bonds with people but every time I do, I get crankier.

The reason is that the guild is in a state of transition from a very business-oriented guild to a guild like most others, that is somewhat social, but the guild master (the MT) is a complete dick to people in raids.

He’s ALWAYS been a dick to people in raids.

But I take it personally now because I’ve adjusted to the new, more social reality of the guild. Hell, I probably helped contribute to the new, more social reality of the guild by bonding with the healers.

The GM/MT has not. He will not. He never will. He will ALWAYS be The Bad Cop, which was his role four years ago, two years ago, nine months ago and two weeks ago. And will be his role tomorrow and Monday when we pull heroic LK on 25 for the first time.

This realization has completely shifted my perspective.

I realize that one of two things has to happen.

1) I have to go back to thinking of it as a job. Log in. Raid. Log out. Done.

2) I have to leave for a guild that’s more social and friendly and respectful.

I’m going to spend the next three or four days deciding whether or not I can do option 1. I have a feeling that I can’t.

But if I can’t, if I do have to leave… at least I really understand WHY that is. This is a different guild than it was nine months ago. It will never get to the social level I need if it’s going to be a social guild, and it may never return to the very business-like atmosphere it once had. But it may be possible for me to readjust my thinking and go back to how I used to treat my membership in the guild.

My mind is still kind of blown by all of this.

My RL friend the resto druid pretty much rocks, everyone. Because when I realized I had to make one of those two choices, she reminded me that if I have to leave the guild to be happy, that that’s what I have to do. She reminded me that it’s not like I’m leaving her in the lurch, that I shouldn’t feel bound to the guild because of her and that I’ve done so much for her already that she really doesn’t want me to stay if I’m not enjoying myself. She also said it would suck to have to look for another paladin, based on Failadin’s very short trial, but that I really do have her blessing if I’m gonna go.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I’ve been friends with her since we were six.

More stuff tomorrow here on the blog, including responses to my judgement post comments (must do math and research!), an update on potential guilds to go to and a nugget or two of information about Cataclysm, without spoiling too much. But I got to play Alpha for a little while at my friend’s place today. Woot!

Guilds & Loyalty & Obligation, Oh My!

(or, Yes, Kurn is Still Bitching About Her Guild And Stuff… You Got A Problem With That?)

So, as previously mentioned, I didn’t raid last Thursday. Or last Sunday. And I didn’t raid on Monday, either. Insert 24h downtime and then I figured I’d go raid tonight. Apart from anything else, I was definitely getting twitchy. I hadn’t healed on the paladin for, oh, a week. I actually tried to toss a renew up on a tank at one point by clicking my mouse wheel and got the error message that there’s nothing to dispel. (It’s bound to Cleanse on my pally.)

Anyways, it didn’t start off terribly. I don’t raid for loot, but it was definitely very nice to get the heroic version of the Bulwark of Smouldering Steel. We’ve had five shields drop since our first week in ICC and this is only the second heroic one. I’m too tired to do the math, but that is a LOT of weeks without a shield dropping.

Apart from that, the raid pretty much sucked. Here are some “highlights”.

Heroic Lady Deathwhisper:

Number of Resto Shaman in the raid: 2

Number of Resto Druids in the raid: 1

Number of decurses by Resto Shammies on one attempt: 3 and 1 = 4

Number of decurses by Resto Druids on same attempt: 12

Heroic Deathbringer Saurfang:

Wipes: 2

Number of times people beaned in the face by Blood Beasts over all three attempts: 13

Number of times the raid leader got beaned in the face by Blood Beasts and subsequently died: 4

Heroic Blood Prince Council:

Number of wipes: 1 (which is 1 more than usual)

Number of times the stupid DPS forced ME to move, while healing the MT, despite Shadow Prison: 3

Number of times the stupid DPS killed me because they refused to move and I could not move lest the MT die: 1

Number of times veteran ret paladin died to Shadow Prison: 2

Number of dispels of Glittering Sparks by anyone over 2 attempts: 6 (me), 2 (RL/shadow priest), 2 (holy priest)

Number of dispels of Glittering Sparks by virtue of Mass Dispel by ANY priest over 2 attempts: 0 (I think that the healing lead asked the holy priest to go disc and he doesn’t seem to have done so)

Blood Queen Lana’thel:

Number of healers asked to heal tanks: 3 (1 holy paladin, 2 resto shaman)

Number of non-Chain Heals cast by shammies: 33 + 43 = 76

Number of Earth Shield heals on MT: 8 (never refreshed)

Number of Earth Shields heals on OT: 1 (placed on the OT at the end of the fight)

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being “Not at All” and 10 being “Extremely”, the level of fear Kurn has of looking through the rest of the log to see Earth Shield failure: 14

If I was looking to last night’s raid to convince me that I should stick around despite the fact I’m currently not speaking to the raid leader, well, that definitely wasn’t convincing at all.

Everything was pissing me off. The stupid holy/disc priest who is the one who thinks outside the box before thinking inside it was all “yaaaaaaay, we have healers tonight!!!! I’ve missed you guys!!!” and it made me want to punch him in the face. Which, you know, is silly. He was genuinely happy to have so many members of the healing team online. But I still wanted to punch him in the face. I didn’t feel like it was a big ol’ happy reunion or anything. I was actually dreading the raid, exactly as I have been for the past couple of months and everything about it had the effect of stressing me out or frustrating me.

And so, perhaps it’s finally gotten to that point where a decision will have to be made. Do I put the good of my guild ahead of me and my desires? Or do I run screaming from this atmosphere and find a new home?

Let me be clear: I am not a guild hopper. I spent a year in Fated Heroes — my first real guild. I was there from the day I dinged 50 until the day it disbanded. I spent a couple of months in Skull, until such time that they ceased raiding pretty much entirely and my old FH crew and I started up Apotheosis. I was in Apotheosis for over a year and a half, until we stopped raiding officially in March of 2009.

From March of 2009 until September, I was in a raiding guild on Bronzebeard and only left due to two reasons:

1) The raid leader had ragequit and, though I was an officer, I didn’t have the energy to help them pick up the pieces of the guild. I tried, but I really couldn’t help keep it together.

2) My RL friend’s guild was in need of holy paladins; after nearly two years of talking about raiding together “someday”, “someday” was finally here.

And so I’ve been in my RL friend’s guild since October, with my trial having started in September. That’s nine long months of TOC, TOGC, ICC and the odd Ulduar run. I’ve been there for their Algalon kill and the crafting of my friend’s Val’anyr. I was acting healing lead for more than two months while my RL friend dealt with RL stuff. I was responsible for the healing for Sindragosa and LK regular kills and all the hard mode kills except Putricide and some of Sindragosa (I did some basic strat stuff, but it got further refined by my RL friend and the raid leader, which then led to a kill).

My point in this is not to toot my own horn, but merely to show that I am someone who values loyalty, who IS loyal, who always puts the needs of her guild/raid group/healing team ahead of her. The exception, of course, being when I took the crappy boots off Dreamwalker from Failadin. ;D

Leaving a guild is never an easy decision for someone like me, who believes that there has to be more to the guild than showing up with 24 others and downing content, or attempting to. I’m not saying I want to be best friends with everyone in my raid group, but I’d kind of like to respect the majority of the raiders. I’d like to push myself to keep up the tank because I don’t want to let the tank down, not just because I’m scared they’ll swap me out for a poor performance.

I want to be patted on the head every so often and told that I did a good job. I want to do my job quietly, but I want people to recognize that even if I didn’t top the healing meters, I DID do my job. (Don’t get me wrong, I CAN top healing meters if I really want to, and I will do so on certain fights, without even aiming for that goal, but that shouldn’t be the measure of success on a fight. :P)

I want to be surrounded with people who can play their classes adequately, if not extremely well. I want people who KNOW how to play, who can rely on others in the group to do what they’re supposed to do on each attempt.

Like, for instance, resto shammies who know they’re supposed to get rid of the damn Curse of Torpor and NOT let it run full duration on a freaking tank healer. Have you ever seen every healing ability you have on cooldown for fifteen seconds? It’s not a pretty sight, but it was necessary because if I didn’t throw my tank SOMETHING, he was gonna die.

So my raid on Wednesday was lacking in so many ways and was not at all what I had hoped it might be. I hoped that with a few nights off, I’d be ready to go back to ICC and kick some ass. And I, personally, totally kicked some ass. I have no idea how, but I hit 7k HPS on Saurfang, and I didn’t even have Marks 1/3 to heal, I was given 2/4. I never died to something that was my fault (see: DPS killing me on Blood Prince Council) and when the tanks died, it was either a wipe or they weren’t my target for that fight. (Like Saurfang, and for some reason, we lost a tank on our Council kill, but it wasn’t my target, nor was it my beacon. I didn’t even notice.)

As a former guild master, I automatically hated people who left my guild. Period. You leave my guild, you are dead to me. As a raider, I’m similarly pissed when a core person leaves a guild. And so this is where responsibility and loyalty and obligations come into play. As a member of any guild, I have a responsibility to show up for raids, ready to raid and prepared for the fights. I have a feeling of loyalty and belonging when I’m in a good guild, where we can learn from mistakes or laugh about near misses and all be collectively inspired to kick some ass after a 2% wipe. I have an obligation to do my best, to not let down the people around me, to do what I can for the team.

This is why, more often than not, I open my stupid mouth and try to help if I see things being done “wrong” or not being done at all. I’m the one who tells the paladins what to judge. I’m the one who sets up pally power for the optimal buffing setup. I’m the one who does all of this stupid stuff because other people either don’t do it or, in my experience, they do it WRONG. Er, “wrong”. As in, sub-optimally.

I’m not someone who, by nature, min/maxes completely out the wazoo. If I were, I’d run 10s, I’d have crafted the shammy spellpower legs for Madrana already and replaced the 258 Legplates of Failing Light.

But when something is done sloppily in a raid, I tend to be a little cranky. So I step up. Same with healing and healing assignments. That’s how I got to be healing lead in my Bronzebeard guild; I wouldn’t shut up about how X, Y and Z would be better than A, B and C. I feel like if things are done sloppily, we’re all just wasting each other’s time.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I devote myself to the guilds/raid groups I become part of — I want the team to succeed.

So when the time comes to leave a guild, I am, of course, drowned in waves of guilt. My natural inclination is to help the team, not myself. Leaving a guild is the ultimate in selfishness; you’ve gotten loot, experience, strategies from raiding with these people and then you leave and take your loot and experience and another idea of how to do things to another raid group.

But, as anyone who’s been reading can tell, I’m clearly getting to this point with my current guild.

So I’m exploring my options and plan to talk to my RL friend about this stuff tomorrow. There’s already a guild that’s caught my eye, but I figure hey, if your guild is looking for a holy paladin, let me know, either here or via email at kurn [at] apotheosis-now [dot] com. Why not, right?

Some notes:

– I will not go Horde.

– I would prefer raid times between 8:30pm ET and 1am ET (not for 4.5 hours, but a 3-3.5 hour chunk in there). (Obviously, I am on North American servers and cannot transfer to any other versions, blah, blah, blah.)

– I prefer PVE servers and have no interest in going to a PVP server. RP is potentially negotiable, but not my preference.

– Server economy must be strong; I don’t care if things are pricey so long as they’re available.

– Prefer Alliance to dominate Wintergrasp so VOA pugs are easy to form.

– I have 0 interest in 10-mans. I am only interested in 25-man ICC (and eventually Ruby Sanctum) and my preference is at least 9/12 HM already down. (Perhaps 8/12, but I have no desire to relearn/teach people how to do fights I already spent hours wiping on.)

– Must have a competant healing lead who is very aware of all five healing specs and how they work together. Healing leads who bitch people out for not topping meters are not competant. :P

– Similarly, must have a competant healing team. Preferably, a competant raid group in general.

– Must have a respectful atmosphere. I don’t want to see racist, sexist, homophobic crap, no religious or national intolerance either. If your raid group consists of people who call each other “gay” or “fag” or use “rape” casually to indicate domination of something in the game, I would probably rather stay with my current guild and all the abuse the GM lays on us.

– I’d really only stay until 4.0/Cataclysm. This is just a short-term stay to help finish ICC heroic and Ruby Sanctum.

So, yeah. Let’s see if there are any options out there, eh?

ETA: Here’s a CharDev profile of my gear and talents:

http://www.chardev.org/?profile=420109

Healing Classes and History

(or, Why the Hell do I Have All Four Healing Classes??!?!)

Yep. It’s true. I finally have all four healing classes at max level. I’m still not sure why, exactly, but I do. As such, I feel the need to discuss some of the differences and such between them. This isn’t going to be a direct comparison between all the four classes and five specs, but more my own history and views on each. I feel that I’ve spent a lot of time recently giving out information, which I love to do, but haven’t spent a ton of time on me/my classes/my history, despite the whole “I hate my guild” post last week. So this is a fair amount of rambling about my history with my healers in the game. You’ve been warned. ;)

Continue reading “Healing Classes and History”

24 Hour Downtime

In all seriousness, a 24-hour break from this game is something I need to do more frequently. That doesn’t mean that the fact it’s not on MY timetable doesn’t bother the crap out of me.

Anyways, Tuesday, June 8th, will be a busy day here on ye olde blogge. I’d start my posting frenzy now, but I am le tired. As such, I am not attending my raid AND I am going to bed early. So THERE!

That said, I thought I’d let you all know what is coming up tomorrow.

1) Healing: Paladins vs. Shammies vs. Druids vs. Priests. Just a look at the four classes and their healing roles from my perspective and (in some cases) limited experience.

2) Kurn’s Q&A 20, where we look at such search terms as:

“holy paladin wearing mail”

“can u reset the keepers in ulduar”

and, my favourite:

“how the fuck do you get into halls of reflection when you die”

Then, depending on Real Life stuff, I may also write up:

3) Holy How-to #7: How NOT to be a Holy Paladin. This will be a detailed examination of many of the mistakes Failadin ™ made while applying to my present guild. Specifically, mistakes made in the Lower Spire. I plan to include a link to a WoL parse where I’ll have changed all the names, to preserve anonymity.

And finally, if time permits:

4) Kurn’s Guide to Stratholme (Live side), assuming I can get the narration done properly and upload the darn thing.

No World of Warcraft for 24 hours means there’s no game to distract me from the blog, mwahahaha. ;)